Search for Meaning in My Life

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 Finding Purpose in Life If I can find my Ikigai, I imagine I shall be happy and fulfilled forever. This question haunts me practically everyday. I read a lot of self-help books. The New Earth [Eckhart Tolle], What Should I Do with My Life? [Po Bronson], The Road Less Traveled [Scott Peck] and more.  They did deepen my understanding of the issue of dealing with one’s life, but the question still remains. When you are above 50 and have been freelancing – read jobless  - for some years, it is nearly impossible to find a job at the levels you last held. Even if you are willing to compromise, ageism is a fact in India. Today I read an article about people over 50 years who lost their jobs during this COVID-19 pandemic. Many have financial responsibilities like children to be educated and EMIs to be paid. Teachers are selling vegetables and shockingly, one man who has decades of experience and held a high paying job, has taken to accompanying dumpsters at Rs 50 a trip, and liv...

Remembering Appa My father died in my arms. Well, not exactly. I was leaning over him, asking him to lift his arms which were  becoming unresponsive. He lifted them partly twice, then lowered for the last time. His eyes had closed. I called him, but he did not respond. Just a short while ago, his finger tips had turned blue - low oxygen. We argued, and postponed calling doctor. He had become unconscious twice before, and had revived  before the ambulance arrived. The first time, the doctor had said it could be transient ischemic attack (TIA). The second time, we took him to emergency, and they ran a battery of tests. They quizzed him and us, and looked unsure. The unfriendly doctor wanted to admit him, but we brought him home. We learnt DMA – discharge against medical advice- from another emergency doctor we knew. He survived comfortably for six months more. This time I realized that he might not revive. I was in a bit of panic and shock, thinking of what to do. I could have l...